A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
