Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
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