Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
