If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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