Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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