who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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