Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
