i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
