Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
