She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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