So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
His hands were made for my vagina.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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