im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
