hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
