So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
