that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
