I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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