I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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