remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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