Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
