what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
