We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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