how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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