So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
