Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
