things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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