your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
