All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
