You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
