So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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