You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
