So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
