so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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