I am in a vortex of obligation.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
