It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
