this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
