i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
