and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
