You really coming over, don't trick.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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