pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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