He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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