Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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