I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
