If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
