grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
