I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
