not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
