cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
this boner is exhausting
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
