It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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