They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
