i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
