i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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