If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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