the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
