I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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