:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
