I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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