dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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