you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
